None Shall Pass

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Although it was marketed as an ultra-scary horror movie, The Gate is really more of an adventure/comedy…sort of like Spielberg jamming with John Hughes. A very young Stephen Dorff is the kid protagonist who accidentally opens a gate to hell in his backyard, unleashing a horde of miniature demons which proceed to trash the kid’s house and mess with his head and those of his metal-geek friend and his sister. The kids have to band together to stop the demons before they can take over the world…and before they can completely destroy the house…and do it before their parents get home. There’s plenty of surreal moments, excellent special FX, a few laughs, and yes, even a few scares…So open The Gate if you dare…

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Tear It Up

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First off, redundant title, no? The Giant Behemoth is the British answer to Godzilla…and basically a remake of The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms. It’s 50’s sci-fi, so you’ll have to endure alot of pseudo-scientific mumbo jumbo and monster’s-point-of-view attacks before you actually get to see the behemoth…but it’s worth it…It’s very well-animated (one of the animators being Willis O’Brien from King Kong) and pretty scary-looking. It’s pretty much a must-see for fans of city-stomping monster movies…

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That’s The Way It’s Got To Be

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Once again, Mars needs women. And it’s up to Princess Marcuzan and her fey second in command Dr. Nadir (who looks like Bat Boy’s daddy) to harvest all the curvaceous babes in Puerto Rico…unless malfunctioning android Frank and stoic scientist hero James Karen (Poltergeist, Return Of The Living Dead) can stop them. It’s got a great theme song by the Poets, the aforementioned babes, a freaky deaky space monster, wonderfully cheap special FX…and copious amounts of stock footage that would make Ed Wood cry “No mas!” And the beauty of today’s technology is that you don’t have to stay up til 3:00 in the morning to see it…although it’ll still feel that way…

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Tragically Hip

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Welcome to Russ Meyer’s masterpiece and the ultimate exploitation flick…Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls. Essentially the story of the rise and fall of all-girl rock group the Carrie Nations (Playboy playmates Dolly Read and Cynthia Myers and fashion model Marcia McBroom) Dolls literally has it all. Rockin’ tunes. Beautiful, bountiful women. Action. Drama. Comedy. Horror. Gore. Girl on girl action…all hosted by the eccentric record producer Z-Man (John LaZar in a bravura performance). A psychotic kaleidoscope of vibrant colors and psychedelic imagery, Dolls is guaranteed to freak you out…

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