Space Junk

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In Star Odyssey (aka Metallica) a reptilian alien slaver with a crew of android Brian Jones clones in Jiffy Pop suits intends to enslave the Earth. (He won us in an intergalactic auction.) So the Earth quickly assembles a ragtag team of freedom fighters: bland, generic hero Shawn, roguish gambler Dirk, “Hollywood” (who sports an Errol Flynn ‘stache made of greasepaint), robotics expert Norman (who also boxes ‘bots in his spare time), Tilt and Tilly, a pair of lovey-dovey robots whose sole purpose is to be cloyingly cute…and requisite space babe Bridget (Nazi bombshell Malisa Longo from Fraulein Devil and Salon Kitty). Expect wall-to-wall pseudo-science mumbo jumbo, lightsaber action, tiny model spaceships, gratuitous telepathy, and aliens that make the regulars at Mos Eisley look like supermodels. This is possibly the cheapest of the Italian Star Wars ripoffs…it’s definitely one of the goofiest…

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Whatcha Got Cookin’?

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Gullible coed Regina ends up at the Red Wolf Inn, a genteel bed and breakfast run by a friendly elderly couple and their handsome, weird grandson, where the menu consists of previous guests.  It’s that rarest of cannibal horror comedies which isn’t scary, gory, or funny…

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Conflicthellride

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Viewers looking for a fun little racing picture will be blindsided and absolutely gobsmacked by the violence and hatefulness in this tale of two rival racers played by Ross “Daktari” Hagen and Michael Pataki. The MST3K crew were so shocked that they had to edit out one very crucial, brutal scene before they could goof on it. You’d expect this kind of roughness from 70’s films but this came out in ’69…I guess you could say it was ahead of its time…

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Concrete And Clay

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Burnt-out stock car racer Rod Tillman (pop singer Steve Alaimo) becomes a wheel man for a vicious biker gang…See, these cats aren’t into dope…their bag is armed robbery. (One of em by the way, the guy who plays Fats, is Jeff Gillen, Bob Clark’s buddy who appeared in She Man, Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things and Black Christmas…and co-directed Deranged with Alan Ormsby) Why would bikers need a wheel man…Why would they pile into a car when they’ve got bikes? Beats me. Of course they don’t know that Tillman is working undercover…Can’t have a biker movie without the “good guy” to betray them. Steve Alaimo’s acting is pretty good…cool and tough and subtle compared to the psycho bikers. He also sings…and so does a garage band called the Birdwatchers. I recommend looking for their records and his. Alaimo’s are good 60’s style pop/ R&B. The director, William Grefe, also made Sting Of Death, Death Curse Of Tartu, Impulse, Stanley and The Hooked Generation…This one’s becoming one of my favorites of his movies that I’ve seen so far…

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Hagen The Road

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After a narc is murdered, his girlfriend Linda (Dee Duffy) and his brother Monte (Ross “Daktari” Hagen) pursue dope kingpin Mr. Adrian (the director himself, Robert F. Slatzer) by joining the biker gang that makes border runs for him. The Hellcats (aka Biker Babes) was marketed as “the first all-girl biker movie”. It’s not. There are some tough mamas in it alright, but they never take center stage. Their male counterparts hog the lion’s share of screen time. If you want to see a girl gang kick ass, see She-Devils On Wheels…or better yet, Girl Boss Guerrila…but this flick still has all the head-scratching slang, rockin’ tunes, wild partying, ballin’ and brawlin’ that you expect from a biker movie…

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Queens Of the Highway

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You can tell right off the bat by the title that this isn’t your typical early 70’s biker movie…The Pink Angels are an all-gay biker gang…and quite flamboyantly, swishily so…gently tweaking the nose of the machismo-driven genre. In a way, it’s a counterculture movie that runs counter to the counterculture, which for all its talk of freedom and doing your own thing, was still extremely heteronormative at the time. These angels aren’t out to rape and pillage…they just wanna have fun, and make it to the drag ball in time…

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Live And Let Fry

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Chuck Toedan (John McCafferty) is the smarmy, amoral host of Live Or Die, a t.v. quiz show where deathrow inmates have a shot at freedom…or being executed right then and there. It’s a good satirical premise and there are some effectively black-humored moments in it…but most of the jokes are stump-dumb…It was, after all, made by Mark Pirro, the guy who did A Polish Vampire In Burbank and Curse Of The Queerwolf. The one treat for me is the very brief cameo by the lovely, very funny Esther Elise ( Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers,Vampire At Midnight) as a very enthusiastic groupie. She should’ve been in way more movies. Anyway, I recommend downing a sixer as you watch this, it’ll ease the pain…

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