Babes From The Crypt

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After two centuries of beauty sleep a coterie of gorgeous vampire women (who chill in a cool Gothic lair straight out of a 30’s horror movie) arise to vampirize mortal Diana, who’s prophesied to be their new queen. How do they know she’s the chosen one? Bat-shaped birthmark. Dead giveaway. Only Santo can save her…but when you think about it, what’s so bad about being a vampire anyway? You get to sleep all day, party all night, stay young forever…and everyone thinks you’re incredibly sexy. All you ever have to worry about is sunlight or some puritanical asshole staking you while you’re sleeping. I’d hate to have to give up garlic bread though. There’s so much to love about this movie: the spooky music…the comic booky dialogue…some great bat action…Diana playing Moonlight Sonata on the piano…the vampires looking kinda like Bizarro when they first wake up…and best of all…the muy bonita Lorena Velazquez as reigning vampire queen Zorina.  Which is ironically fitting since she’s also one of the monster-fighting Luchadoras. Sadly she doesn’t get to wrassle Santo…that would’ve been beyond awesome…but she leaves that up to her henchmen, one of which looks like the Wolf Man in one scene for no reason whatsoever. That’s a prime example of the “sure, what the hell” philosophy that I’ve always relished about B-movies…

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“Wanna try my Chinese finger trap? C’mon, it’ll be fun. Trust me.”

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